hawt cheerleader lookin 2 cyber <3

hotcheerleader @ 2007-07-04T16:57:00

2007-07-04T20:58:21Z

i want to update, or talk to someone meaningfully again
but its become so rare that i'm just realising that i have no one to really talk to, and nothing to say here.

aw my poor neglect lj

2007-05-18T22:06:27Z

hey guys i have no life

and i like this place, where you talk about books you're reading and stuff

--

Please add me as a friend on Goodreads:

http://www.goodreads.com/friend/i?i=LTM2MDcwMTg3NDA6MjY5%0A

do it!

lol

2006-12-20T01:40:30Z

all i've wanted the last couple weeks is to be left alone in silence and peace, and now that everything is over and i finally AM alone, all i want is to talk to someone in a meaningful way
XD so much for a lasting moood. and i'm lonely enough to make an entry about itXDXD

i've been moody as hell lately and there's really no excuse for being so annoying ><

"you were born with wings. why prefer to crawl through life?" -rumi

hehee rage

2006-09-12T03:48:41Z

[23:32] GoddessOfOnions: I have to kill apig tomorrow and my boyfriend's flight got moved up a week. he's one of the only people they're not flying back home.
[23:32] GoddessOfOnions: life is great
[23:32] p0werblimp: im sorry
[23:32] GoddessOfOnions: I feel like this, and I have to kill a fucking pig and put him back together
[23:32] GoddessOfOnions: and then they shoot it again
[23:32] GoddessOfOnions: and i have to fix him again
[23:32] GoddessOfOnions: wtf
[23:32] p0werblimp: that actually sounds therapeutic..
[23:32] p0werblimp: i dont know
[23:33] p0werblimp: bleh
[23:33] GoddessOfOnions: it's a sleeping pig
[23:33] p0werblimp: oh
[23:33] p0werblimp: well i feel rage right now
[23:33] p0werblimp: i'd like to kill pigs very much so
[23:33] GoddessOfOnions: and then they slice open the femoral artery and I have to stop the bleeding with a tourniquet
[23:33] p0werblimp: ..i'm practically jealous
[23:33] GoddessOfOnions: what's wrong?
[23:33] GoddessOfOnions: i just drank a half bottle of dimetapp because i have no alcohol
[23:34] p0werblimp: i think it has to do with the fact that this girl oh so very much resembles pighttp://myspace-338.vo.llnwd.net/01158/83/31/1158471338_l.jpg
[23:34] GoddessOfOnions: i want alcohol. i want to tear that fucking pig up hung over as fuck
[23:34] GoddessOfOnions: she does
[23:34] GoddessOfOnions: I bet she has a four inch layer of subcutaneous fat, just like a pig.
[23:34] p0werblimp: yeah, some muslim converts just cant give up the pork!
[23:34] GoddessOfOnions: and if you cut through it she'll never stop bleeding
[23:34] GoddessOfOnions: just like a pig

so i guess i'll put this here

2006-09-07T02:57:42Z

yesterday was my first day of school. i hadn't slept in the last 4 days and i'm exhausted. i ran into a street pole. while i was walking. my head still hurts. detroit smells like garbage. everyone around me is on their laptops 24/7 looking at facebook and complaining about it. i'm a cheap bastard and only was willing to spend $1 for food and got a kfc snacker and that certainly isn't enough food for a whole day of walking around on campus. i think i'm going to start packing lunch from home because im po'. this is supposed to be my 'freshman' year but i act like i've been on campus my whole life, and i have enough credits to be a junior next semester. i landed a research position job in the biochem and microbiology department at the med school. i'm going to study statins as antifungal agents. my prof seems really cool and caring. i still can't believe i got the research position. unfortunately i can't make money researching until after the first few months if i do a good job. but i might be getting a real job. all my classes are going to be a lot of work. i'm taking 18 credits, and i think i dropped out of art history to take philosophy. i might go declare my major tomorrow.

the title of my reseach project is "In vitro susceptibility and synergy studies of statins as antifungal agents"
it's a very new study, thus a risky place to start, but i like risks. it seems very interesting. (statin is the chemical used in pharmaceuticals to reduce cholesterol) its a very relevant subject to research especially with the large number of people at risk for heart disease because of high cholesterol. i'm going to get to learn gene cloning and PCRs as well.

schedule is like:

* Physics (calc based) 2170 MWF lecture, TR quiz w/ padmanabhan(padu), karchin
* Physics 2171 Lab T
* PHI 1030 Philosophical problems TR w/ wilkinson (lol a typical pseudo intelectual uni course)
* Honors 1000 City One - Detroit Studies w/ thomson! MW
* Biological Sciences 3990 Directed Study-Biology RF w/ Dr. Akins (research)
* Arabic 1010 Intro to Arabic MW w/ Saker (blow-off)

the wedding stuff is all over now, and i'm so happy for my uncle. i miss my family. my new aunt and i get along pretty well and she's going to help me out a lot because she's a doctor who did biochem major.
they left this morning for a honeymoon to europe, and i've never seen my uncle so happy. =)

having to 'MC' the wedding went fine i guess. kept it short and sweet. spoke from the heart. everyone liked it.

i can't wait for the wedding pictures to come out, i'll probably put them up.

that is all.

grrahhh

2006-08-28T03:59:55Z

my uncle is getting married this weekend! and i have to give a speech.

i have
no idea
what to say

it's mostly that i don't want to get too personal in front of like 500+ people. i don't want to embarrass him, or myself. but he means so much to me and i need to say something nice :O

ahhhhhh help

redux

2006-08-26T19:54:51Z

--- response to: Scott F (Michigan) at 12:45pm August 23rd, 2006 Israel destroyed major highways and airports so that the soldiers couldn't be transported to Syria or Iran, the supplier of thousands of weapons to Hizbullah militants. They destroyed ambulances which contained Hizbullah militants. Also, why are Israelis KILLED and Lebanese MURDERED? What is the difference in your eyes? Is it whether the attack is targeting civilians or targeting militants? I'm very interested to know.

Also, when a group's leader calls the for the extermination of another, like Sheik Hassan Nasrallah did of all of Israel, it's hard to play off as something small... I mean, that's the kind of thing I feel no one should EVER take lightly, but that might just be me. Maybe Hassan and Ehud go way back and they were just kidding around or something and the world is blowing this way outta proportion.

And it's so noble of you to pray for your people AND humankind, but aren't these two distinguished populations one in the same? Peace! ---

http://gowans.blogspot.com/2006/08/israel-fingered-for-state-terrorism_24.html
amnesty international calls out israel for war crimes, and suggests state terrorism.
http://web.amnesty.org/pages/lbn-230806-feature-eng

wow, all this destruction over a few soldiers? nevermind the hundreds of thousands of lebanese and palestinians that israel has held captive since its brutal occupation began.

nasrallah from the start wanted to negotiate a trade of soldiers (but americans hear nothing about that, i had to see it on canadian news when this 'new crisis' began while american media was still ignoring it) and israel responded immediately with AIRSTRIKES taking out powerstations and highways and killing civilians.

israel forced a hezbullah retaliation. israel provoked all this anger. they always have. they have been the aggressors from the very beginning. but you can conveniently ignore the UN and geneva convention violations (possible with its sponsor the United States).
and you can believe what the media says, that the arabs "started it", by conveniently ignoring the fact that a day before shalit's capture, the IDF crossed into gaza and 'captured' a palestinian doctor and his brother, only 2 of the thousands of lebanese and palestinians held prisoner without trial.
and you can keep believing israel, with its massive military might and WMD, is david while the few fighting arabs are 'goliath', of course those ambulances had terrorists hiding in them, if that helps you sleep at night. pat yourself on the back for sticking it to those damn 'terrorists'! and those damn kids that can only throw rocks at the soldiers that shoot at them. it's much more convenient to ignore who israel really targets, and so easy to call defenders "terrorists" who hate our freedom (whilst knowing nothing about the history of these 'backwards' arab countries) lol.

it amazes me to this day that the West can say that these people fighting for their own human rights somehow "hate our freedom". that's so completely ridiculous i don't see why i should even have to bring it up. people really don't think the government lies to them? that the contempt for the west has nothing to do with policies of exploitation and human rights violations of the powerless?

who is desperately defending themselves against who? actions speak louder than semantics. israel can say whatever they want but there is no argument about the disproportionality that has always existed in this "war" (i use the term war loosely because slaughter or genocide is more appropo - considering that the victims are largely unarmed children). you guys get so worried about supposed threats made by nasrullah and others, but no one cares that israel doesnt even bother to threaten - they just skip right ahead to extermination! and thats perfectly fine? but if an arab steps up to fight back, theyre a no-good terrorist? they should be content with their victimization and cower in fear like the rest of the world, especially these self-interested arab governments?

does jewish suffering 60-70 years ago at the hands of nazis really justify this atrocious treatment of arabs now?

whatever, to each his own.

these arabs are being degraded and DEHUMANIZED. i'm not saying that some muslims aren't at fault, they could be smarter, but their reaction is understandable. they have been under seige for so long that they simply have nothing to lose.

i do believe these groups can live peacefully, but ISRAEL's actions stand in the way, and the arab response is just that - a response, a REACTION, to half a century of brutal occupation and destruction. but you can justify things however you want, just as israel and america can. i'm obviously the biased one.

http://www.youtube.com/v/4ZsMP8akaxM

amnesty: Entire families were killed in air strikes on their homes or in their vehicles while fleeing the aerial assaults on their villages. Scores lay buried beneath the rubble of their houses for weeks, as the Red Cross and other rescue workers were prevented from accessing the areas by continuing Israeli strikes. The hundreds of thousands of Lebanese who fled the bombardment now face the danger of unexploded munitions as they head home. The Israeli Air Force launched more than 7,000 air attacks on about 7,000 targets in Lebanon between 12 July and 14 August, while the Navy conducted an additional 2,500 bombardments. The attacks, though widespread, particularly concentrated on certain areas. An estimated 1,183 people died, about one third of whom have been children, 4,054 people were injured and 970,000 Lebanese people have been displaced.

sheik nasrallah: “The rocketing of the settlements is a reaction, it is not an action. You attacked our cities and villages, and at any time you decide to stop your aggression, we will not hit any settlement or any Israeli city.”

hotcheerleader @ 2006-08-26T01:36:00

2006-08-26T05:38:45Z

http://www.freep.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060824/NEWS99/60824006

http://www.freep.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060825/NEWS99/60825017

store clerk shot 4 times after a stupid argument. i went to his funeral today. its so sad and crazy. he was working two jobs to support his wife and kids and its hard on the whole community. it's just.. shocking. every day i keep wondering how the hell i stay sane.

comment on a website:
"I knew Wajed. Not well, but well enough to know he was a good man. He was always smiling and happy. He talked to me at great length about his hobbies and asked about mine. He was like a friend to me. A smiling face every night when I would go to 7-11. I went a couple times just to say hi to him. I want his family to know he is missed by many people and will be prayed for.

I hope Davis reads this too. He is a coward and I hope he dies and burns in hell."

in other news, nevermind my last entry. i'm hopeful and doing well. i hope you all are also doing well.

hotcheerleader @ 2006-08-14T14:14:00

2006-08-14T18:14:50Z

i have never felt this genuinely happy before in my life, and no matter what happens i am keeping my spirits high and staying strong.

man

2006-08-02T19:36:37Z

its so weird to find people you know on the news

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2003160576_webshooting29m1.html

i mailed an invitation for my uncle's weddings to this guy's family last week. he always seemed mentally unstable, got divorced for no reason, never really made it in school, unemployed, etc. i pray for his family and those victims. but god it feels like everyone's ready to just go insane.

thought of today

2006-07-28T02:20:12Z

this
is
genocide

like bosnia, except NATO won't be getting involved this time

someone suggested i should stop posting dumb links and say how i feel.

2006-07-26T03:30:42Z

as long as it's been going on, i'm just continually amazed at how much people can tolerate and how easy it is for the powerful to ignore their guilt and spin things to justify themselves.

what i see is a blatant move by the zionists to expand and occupy lebanese territory. they've already captured two towns, significant, strategic cross-country points on the map to gain more control and more power. israel has always had the intention of claiming more land for a 'greater israel', they've needed the opportune moment. ( i bet the two soldiers will conveniently show up when the time is right). israel has been waiting for this. but oh, the world is worried about hezbullah's threats!! oh no"
israel has shown no regard for international law (like their superpower friend) as usual, and continue to receive support.

if this was about two israeli soldiers captured, what is with the insane tactics to get those men back safely? doesn't the mighty israeli military know how to strategize? why didn't they send in ground troops in the beginning? why jump to airstrikes? the only thing i see them accomplishing is near careless destruction of lebanese infrastructure, and children taking the biggest toll. their force is brutal. they've destroyed major highways. they've targeted red cross ambulances and UN troops. and why not? they know they can get away with it
"dur hur we were dragged into this war and these things happen! i am appalled you would accuse israel of being deliberate!"

an uproar about two israeli SOLDIERS. but no one says anything about the 10,000 arab families that haven't seen their sons and daughters for decades, captured and imprisoned by the state of israel with no due process and no basis. never a mention of the palestinian leaders kidnapped, senseless use of unmatched artillery (the arabs have fucking ROCKS, of course they're gonna commit suicide), bulldozing of palestinian villages, or the slaughtering of women and children in palestinian refugee camps. indiscriminate slaughtering seems to be a patterm with the IDF. i'm sorry but i find it hard to believe that the zionists have any respect for anyone else- what, with their teachings about being the chosen people and thus non-Jewish lives mean nothing. ehud can say whatever he wants, they can continue to voice 'regret' and condolence but their brutal actions will continue and no one will hear about it until the victims try to fight back again.
read their book, the talmud sometime, if you're interested in what i mean about the zionist agenda. western support of zionism is a whole nother book..

there's never UN security council meetings about what to do with british-installed israel, or threats of sanctions against israel the "beautiful friendly flower of the middle east". and now israel even gets away with killing UN soldiers in a clearly marked place, and israel demands an apology from the UN for accusing them of being deliberate??

it's funny how quickly the west brands anyone that fights against them a "terrorist." and people actually believe that shit. as if it's horrible to STAND UP FOR YOUR PEOPLE AGAINST POWER-MAD AGGRESSORS. i applaud hezbullah's efforts to try to unite lebanon and palestine, and others that have the bravery to defend our nations while the apologetic cowards kiss america's feet, and fear its might.

i'm sick of the U.S. arming countries and disarming others and all the double standards and self-righteous claims to lands and governments, and people stand by and do nothing (or they're 'terrorists')

also, i was happy to see maliki standing up to condemn israel, it's funny to watch the U.S. become shocked that their own iraqi puppet is speaking against them.

41 israelis killed, and TEN TIMES as many lebanese murdered

and 14,000 iraqis reported as killed for this year. (another thing that the perpetrators will simply get away with [with billions] despite all the disapproval expressed)

i pray for some sort of healing..

and i'm sick of people thinking it's "cute" when i get angry or simply don't understand why i feel the need to be
i'm aching for more people to wake up and help in an uprising that can actually make some difference. all this is just senseless. the worst pain in my heart is from the fact that majority muslims are stupid and blind too. the west has created factions between us for years, dogs fighting over pieces of meat. subject to their pointless bullshit.

but hey i'm anachronistic and "backwards" for believing and praying for the honour and dignity of my people, and humankind.

oh look, violations of international law.. didnt see that coming

2006-07-24T21:35:53Z

oh that silly israel, always with those cute little violations

phosphorus bombs... ?

http://edition.cnn.com/video/player/player.html?url=/video/world/2006/07/23/penhaul.lebanon.tyre.victims.cnn

oh, what cute little israeli girls!^-^

2006-07-23T05:51:26Z

http://fromisraeltolebanon.info/

yay

2006-07-15T22:14:55Z

(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)

✓ I miss somebody right now. (see last entry)	✓ I don't watch much TV these days. (but more than i used to [none])	✓ I own lots of books. (have to get around to reading..)
✓ I wear glasses or contact lenses.	✓ I love to play video games. (but dont have a chance to really)	✓ I've tried marijuana.
✓ I've watched porn movies. (doesnt work for me usually)	× I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.	✓ I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
✓ I curse sometimes. (hate the sound of it tho)	✓ I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.	× I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me. (used to)

* * * * *

✓ I have broken someone's bones.	✓ I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.	× I hate the rain. (i hate people who hate rain)
✓ I'm paranoid at times.	× I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free. (i'm cool with lypo i guess)	✓ I need/want money right now.
✓ I love sushi.	✓ I talk really, really fast. (sometimes)	× I have fresh breath in the morning. (i dont know?)
× I have long hair. (just cut)	× I have lost money in Las Vegas.	✓ I have at least one sibling.
× I was born in a country outside of the U.S.	× I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.	× I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
× I like the way that I look. (sometimes)	✓ I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.	× I am usually pessimistic.
✓ I have a lot of mood swings.	× I think prostitution should be legalized.	× I slept with a roommate.
✓ I have a hidden talent. (i think so because i havent tried everything yet)	× I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.	× I have a lot of friends. (acquaintances)
✓ I have pecked someone of the same sex.	× I enjoy talking on the phone.	✓ I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
✓ I love to shop and/or window shop. (more window shopping, and dont like to waste time in one store)	× I'm obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal.	× I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother. (sometimes..)
✓ I have a mobile phone.	× I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.	✓ I've rejected someone before. (..often)
✓ I currently like/love someone. (ugh, but no one NEW in my life)	× I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.	✓ I want to have children in the future.
✓ I have changed a diaper before.	× I've called the cops on a friend before. (almost)	× I'm not allergic to anything.
✓ I have a lot to learn. (who doesn't)	✓ I am shy around the opposite sex. (shy around almost all)	× I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
× I have at least 5 away messages saved.	✓ I have tried alcohol or drugs before. (no alcohol, yes other drugs)	× I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
× I own the "South Park" movie.	× I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal.	✓ I enjoy some country music. (johnny cash)
× I would die for my best friends. (dont have those.. would die for family)	× I'm obsessive, and often a perfectionist. (in some ways)	× I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
× I think Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.	× I have dated a close friend's ex.	✓ I am happy at this moment. (trying to be)
× I'm obsessed with guys.	× Democrat.	× Republican.
× I don't even know what I am.	× I am punk rockish.	✓ I go for older guys/girls, not younger.
× I study for tests most of the time.	× I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.	✓ I can work on a car.
× I love my job(s).	× I am comfortable with who I am right now.	× I have more than just my ears pierced.
✓ I walk barefoot wherever I can.	✓ I have jumped off a bridge.	✓ I love sea turtles.
× I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup.	✓ I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.	× I am proficient on a musical instrument.
✓ I hate office jobs.	× I went to college out of state.	× I am adopted.
✓ I am a pyro.	✓ I have thrown up from crying too much. (once)	✓ I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved. (...)
✓ I fall for the worst people. (thats like what all of my lj is about)	✓ I adore bright colours.	× I usually like covers better than originals.
× I hate chain theme restaurants like Applebees and TGIFridays.	✓ I can pick up things with my toes. (all the time)	× I can't whistle.
✓ I have ridden/owned a horse. (ridden a couple times)	× I still have every journal I've ever written in. (i wish i did)	✓ I talk in my sleep.
✓ I've often thought that I was born in the wrong century.	✓ I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.	× I wear a toe ring.
× I have a tattoo.	× I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.	× I am a caffeine junkie.
× I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I'm not ashamed at all. (sort of.)	✓ If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder. (there's some politicians i'd strangle, and others)	× I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
× I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner.	✓ I'm an artist. ('artist' is a strong word but i enjoy art)	× I am ambidextrous. (sometimes)
× I sleep with so many stuffed animals, I can hardly fit on my bed. (i only have one)	× If it weren't for having to see other people naked, I'd live in a nudist colony. (no)	× I have terrible teeth.
× I hate my toes.	✓ I did this meme even though I wasn't tagged by the person who took it before me. (boredom!)	× I have more friends on the internet than in real life. (dunno, it's a close call..)
✓ I have lived in either three different states or countries.	× I am extremely flexible. (used to be)	× I love hugs more than kisses. (i donno, im not into either)
✓ I want to own my own business. (clinic actually)	✓ I smoke. (occasionally)	✓ I spend way too much time on the computer than on anything else. (probably)
✓ Nobody has ever said I'm normal. (oh man)	✓ Sad movies, games, and the like can cause a trickle of tears every now and then. (if i'm on my period)	× I am proficient in the use of many types of firearms and combat weapons. (maybe someday)
✓ I like the way women look in stylized men's suits. (sure?)	✓ I don't like it when people are unpleased or seem unpleased with me. (ughh)	✓ I have been described as a dreamer or likely to have my head up in the clouds. ("vicarious")
× I have played strip poker with someone else before.	✓ I have had emotional problems for which I have sought professional help. (haven't "sought" but have been "forced")	× I believe in ghosts and the paranormal.
× I can't stand being alone. (i can't survive without alone-time)	× I have at least one obsession at any given time.	× I weigh myself, pee/poo, and then weigh myself again. (ive done that once)
× I consistently spend way too much money on obsessions-of-the-moment.	✓ I'm a judgmental asshole. (probably on the inside)	× I'm a HUGE drama-queen.
✓ I have travelled on more than one continent.	× I sometimes wish my father would just disappear.	× I need people to tell me I'm good at something in order to feel that I am. (ugh)
✓ I am a Libertarian. (sometimes)	✓ I can speak more than one language.	× I can fall asleep even if the whole room is as noisy as it can be. (if i'm truly exhausted)
✓ I would rather read than watch TV.	✓ I like reading fact more than fiction.	✓ I have pulled an all-nighter on an assignment I was given a month to do. (only every single assignment)
× I have no piercings.	× I have spent the night in a train station or other public place.	✓ I have been so upset over my physical gender that I cried. (someitmes, its hard with arab double standards and menstruation)
× I once spent Christmas completely alone because there was a miscommunication on which parent was supposed to have me that night.	× There have been times when I have wondered "Why was I born?" and may/may not have cried over it.	× I like most animals better than most people.
× I own a collection of retro games consoles. (um ihave a nintendo and snes?)	× The thought of physical exercise makes me shiver.	✓ I have hit someone with a dead fish. (when i was younger)
✓ I am compulsively honest. (its better to just stay quiet sometimes)	× I was born with a congenital birth defect that has never been repaired.	× I have danced topless in front of dozens of complete strangers.
✓ I have gone from wishing I was a girl to revelling in being a boy to feeling like a girl again in the span of five minutes, and not cared a whit for my actual sex.	× I am unashamedly bisexual, and have different motivations for my desires for different genders.	✓ I sometimes won't sleep a whole night or eat a whole day because I forget to. (definitely)
× I find it impossible to get to sleep without some kind of music on. (can't stand that)	× I dislike milk.	✓ I obsessively wash my hands. (have gotten better about htis)
× I always carry something significant around with me.	× Sometimes I'd rather wear a wig in day-to-day life than use my own hair.	✓ I've pushed myself to become more self-aware and thereby more aware of others. (?)
× Even though I live on my own I still cry sometimes because I miss my mother.	× I hand wrote all the HTML tags in this document.	✓ I've liked something which a majority of people claimed was either bad or weird.
✓ I have been clinically dead for a brief period of time.	✓ Instead of feeling sympathy/empathy with people and their problems, I simply become annoyed. (seomtimes)	✓ I participate/have participated in auto drag races and won. (ages ago)
× I do not 'get' most comedy acts.	× I don't think strippers are money-greedy or slutty for dancing. (havent really considered them)	× I don't like to chew gum.
✓ I am obsessed with history/historical things and can't wait for someone to build a time machine so I can be the first to use it.	× I can never remember for the life of me where I parked the car.	× I had the TEEN ANGST thing going for at least 2-3 years.
✓ I wish people would be more empathic and honest with each other. (of course.)	× I play Dungeons and Dragons weekly.	✓ I love to sing. (badly and usually if i'm alone)
✓ I want to live in my mother's basement when I grow up. (xd)	× I have a custom-built computer. (i want to)	✓ I want to create a certain someone's babies, even though there's a 0% possiblity of ever achieving it. (yeah.)
× I would be in a relationship with one of my pets if they were human.	× I've gone skinny-dipping.	✓ I've performed in three plays. (and more)
✓ I enjoy burritos.	× I'm Irish and loving it.	× I have a thing for redheads. (sometimes)
× I am a twin!	✓ Most of the times, I'd rather do something intellectual instead of doing something generically 'fun'.	× Once I set out to finish something, I always stay at it until it is completed before I move on to something else. (i try to.. ADD)
✓ I wish there were a way to erase past mistakes.	× I sleep more than 12 hours a day.	✓ I wish I could be prouder of what I've accomplished, but it's never enough.
✓ I need more time to myself. (that's all ive been thinkin lately)	× I wish I was more open-minded.	✓ I hope that I go really prematurely grey. (but no wrinkles!)
✓ I download songs from the internet.	× I've just reenacted chapter 58 of Death Note with my best friend.	✓ I say random things to freak people out.
× I'm still a little mad about the ending of Death Note.	× I love playing Truth or Dare.	× I love listening to slow music, but I hate singing to it.
× Music helps me remember that I am not alone.	× Playing my favorite sport makes me temporarily forget my problems.	✓ I think this survey is particularly long.
× I prefer my LJ friends to my real-life ones.	× I can only hate someone that I love.	× I've ordered an extra two shots of espresso to an Americano at Starbucks.

stealing from emily XD

2006-06-21T17:51:51Z

Oh I love this. Remember the first inauguration?

Not exactly Jon, that’s more of a “first inauguration-not sure we were legitimately elected-let’s play the outsider card” kind of thing. This time around it’s not so much an inauguration as the establishment of a dynasty. No! Empire. So this time, instead of barbecue, platters of suckling pig with apples in their mouths are being crammed down the gullets of cigar-smoking plutocrats by indentured welfare mothers, whilst teams of virgins are orally servicing undersecretaries of commerce and rather than country and western, the music comes courtesy of a choir of the uninsured whose vocal cards have been severed leaving each singer with the ability to produce but one pure pitch that is then tortured out of them, creating an orchestra of unimaginable agony.
- Stephen Colbert, reporting for The Daily Show.

..and i think i'm in love with stephen colbert. he's seriously sexy as hell

things i never thought i'd see myself considering/having

2006-05-30T09:18:30Z

- studying
- going to med school
- marriage
- getting married in the next two years AND going to med school
- finding happiness in things my parents want for me
- not lying to my parents about anything
- getting close to some kind of spiritual transformation..
- wanting to look and feel in good health
- being more of a girl

a realisation:
i don't have a best friend. i mean.. i have one, that i've known for a long time, she'll always be my best friend.. but i think sometimes that the reason she's my best friend and i'm hers is because we both don't have anyone else. anyone real. there are people in my life that at some point i've considered my best friend - and i still consider some of them my best even now. but i am simply not consistent and i don't stay in touch with them and they forget me. when they go through hardship, their pain hits me, but my pain doesn't reach them. i don't have solid relationships with anyone. i can provide interaction and company, but i am not a consideration - i don't put myself in those situations. when something important happens in people's lives i'm never a part of it. i'm just a guest, a person that gets invited to see the show but i'm never in the show. sometimes i'm in the backstage crew but too insignificant to be thanked at the oscar.

i've never been able to keep a girl "best friend." its not a big deal because i have my family, i have my mom, grandma, my aunt, and my sister-in-law, i can always count on those friendships. but they are friendships because they are blood relationships, and they will last forever because of the fact that they are blood and a part of my life. but i can't seem to maintain anything that is purely friendship.

i give a lot though. i treat any girl like they are my best friend. i make sure people know that i'm there for them. so what happens is that they come to me when no one else can solve their problem, but i am still an outsider. it's become my nature to be close to everyone for a single moment, and nothing more than that moment.

there are many outside circumstances that have kept me as more of a voice rather than a person. i go unnoticed. i've become sort of a vehicle or shadow, useless or nonexistent unless people need me. but when i am not being used i don't feel like i'm there.

even when i talk to people about my life, answer questions about myself, i don't feel involved. when i talk about what's going on with me, i generally feel distant, like i'm talking about someone else's life.. a life i know a lot about but don't really live. i talk about myself thinking it'll help me feel like i am an individual but i don't really feel connected to the events surrounding my personal life. i even feel awkward saying "my life" and "personal" and "me my myself i" but those are the only words there are, and there's no arguing with definitions, right?

i live through other people, i involve myself in other people, and i deeply love and care for all those people. people love me because they relate to me, because i'm understanding. i can be anyone though. even the things i do for myself.. i do them because i'm supposed to, i'm told to live. i have no choice but to breathe. i feel stuck in a paradox where i have to work hard for personal success so that i have the resources to help everyone else. i have to take care of myself to take care of everyone else. i'm starting to get a hang of this because i've become more content with it, and otherwise i just feel like a waste.

i may not have a best friend, but i don't seem to need one of those, because i can be with anyone. i've gotten to this point where all of my relationships have become perfect to me. to put it another way - i've become extremely accustomed to loss. i'm no longer confused about people that used to distract me from my priorities. i was misguided and let them feed me attention, not knowing that i never had a stomach to digest it. only through loss have i learned that i am truly a happy person.. i have experienced a lot of things in life and i have a lot to be grateful for. i have a lot to offer and a lot of passion and i will not let anything hold me back... i used to think that things hindering me were out of my control but that which i was born into can truly be my strength - and the things holding me back were things that i chose for myself, and things i control.

or i'm just really really brainwashed.

:)

there’s plenty of ways to know you’re not dying, hell theres plenty of light still left in your eyes

2006-04-18T05:10:07Z

And there’s plenty of ways to claim his crimes tonight,
and there’s plenty of things to do on his dime.
And there’s plenty of ways to wear his hide tonight.

You’ve got yours and I’ve got mine.
You’ve got yours and I’ve got mine.
So why
did you flee?
Don’t you know you can’t leave his control
only call all his wild works your own?
So come back and we’ll take them all on.
So come back to your life on the lam.
So come back to your old black sheep man.

He says
“I am waiting on hoof and on hand.
I am waiting, all hated and damned.
I am waiting, I snort and I stamp.
I am waiting, you know that I am,
calmly waiting to make you my lamb”

hotcheerleader @ 2006-03-17T02:15:00

2006-03-17T07:17:05Z

i've been unusually talkative lately

but its not enough

moth to flame

2006-02-15T07:21:11Z

i'm a dumbass.

more rumi

2006-02-15T06:20:58Z

Thirst is angry with water. Hunger bitter
with bread.The cave wants nothing to do

with the sun. This is dumb, the self-
defeating way we've been. A gold mine is

calling us into its temple. Instead, we
bend and keep picking up rocks from the

ground. Every thing has a shine like gold,
but we should turn to the source! The

origin is what we truly are. I add a little
vinegar to the honey I give. The bite of

scolding makes ecstasy more familiar. But
look, fish, you're already in the ocean:

just swimming there makes you friends with
glory. What are these grudges about? You

are Benjamin. Joseph has put a gold cup
in your grain sack and accused you of being

a thief. Now he draws you aside and says,
"You are my brother. I am a prayer. You're

the amen." We move in eternal regions, yet
worry about property here. This is the

prayer of each: You are the source of my
life. You separate essence from mud. You

honor my soul. You bring rivers from the
mountain springs. You brighten my eyes. The

wine you offer takes me out of myself into
the self we share. Doing that is religion.

hotcheerleader @ 2006-02-15T00:42:00

2006-02-15T05:45:26Z

"When I am with you, we stay up all night,
When you're not here, I can't get to sleep.
Praise God for these two insomnias!
And the difference between them."

-Rumi

yeah.

i wish i could sleep.

oh man, RIP j dilla :(

excruciating headache to remind me about this terrible morning

2006-02-12T21:59:07Z

wind now ridicules.
am i being tested, or
is this punishment?

lol haikus;;;;; being vague is easier than facing up to myself

2006-02-12T03:27:16Z

shiny crystal world
the rain can also lie; lie
gloomy paradox

i'd gladly give up
familiar paranoia
for strange honesty

your permanent dream
dies before its light hits us
i am the black hole

demon friends convinced
a demon with amnesia
that she is human

tagged by emilemilemilemilemilemily

2006-01-24T02:23:09Z

“ weird habits of yours”
people who get tagged need to write an LJ entry about their 5 quirky habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next 5 people to be tagged and list their names.

my quirkssss

1. i can never leave anything on the microwave. if i take food out before the timer's done, i always press "stop/clear off". if someone else leaves time on the microwave and i see it flashing, i totally press that motherfukkin button, no matter what im in the middle of.

2. also dealing with microwaves. i always set the timer to weird times. like instead of 30 sec, i'll feel it would be more suitable for something to be heated 35 seconds, or 28 seconds. instead of 10 seconds i might feel 7 seconds is better, or 13 seconds. its very important to me. to figure out the perfect timing for all things.

3. i actually do wash, rinse, and repeat. i wash everything at least twice, whether its my hands, my hair, my body twice if i have time, clothes (if hand-washed, as they are now), or dishes (unless using the machine, in which case i wash and then put them into the machine). i wash/rinse everything at least twice if i have the time. i'm kinda crazy.

4. like emily, i have many journals, but rarely finish writing in them. in fact i would call them all mostly empty, but they all are meant to have a separate purpose for different moods or different subjects, they all have like 2 or 3 things written in them and then i never really go back. also like em, i inspect all utensils and plates that i am about to eat on, and cant stand any blemish on them. i wipe everything off, rinse and wipe if i can, or i pick up a different utensil

5. i eat pretty much everything with a spoon if possible, including salads. i think the only thing i'll succumb to using a fork with is spaghetti and some pastas. everything else, spoons spoons spoons.

um...

i tag

1. sarah grace
2. jen
3. lee
4. becca
5. erika